


The man who leapt through time

by Spotty333



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 12:26:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1119815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spotty333/pseuds/Spotty333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an AU where Castiel is being hunted from heaven and in order to escape leaps through time to avoid being detected. The only way he is able to control his time jumps is  to latch on to the time line of someone and the person he chooses happens to be none other than Dean Winchester. They eventually form a friendship, which develops throughout Dean's life until Castiel's visits start to get less frequent and Dean sets out to save Castiel, as the events in both their lives start to come to a head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! So this is my first fan-fiction so all comments are appreciated! This particular piece is based off a tumblr post I saw and just had to write a fanfiction for. Here's a link :http://kikistiel.tumblr.com/post/71360884688/deancas-time-travel-au-every-year-on-the-same If you're interested, which you should be because whoever did this is a genius and I hope this does it justice. However, I have made a few changes to what you may see on the post just because it fits better with what I am trying to do. 
> 
> Anyway, I am hoping to update weekly (hopefully each Sunday) but it depends on University work. 
> 
> Also, I am looking for a Beta for this work so if anyone is interested please message me. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this. Also, I apologise if they're any mistakes (if you spot any please let me know) I've read through it but knowing me I probably still missed something.

Mary Winchester had always told her son that angels were watching over him. When he was little before she died he had believed her but when she died his faith died with her. If angels were watching over him how could they justify letting this happen to his mother? 

Despite his loss of faith the young Dean Winchester accepted his father’s usually drunken ravings about the monsters under the bed and the mysterious demon that had killed his mother. Like most of humanity Dean had found it was easier to believe in the bad in the world rather than the good. And he tried to make up for this by acting the guardian angel to both his father and brother because there was no else there to do it. Therefore, from a far too young age he held Sam as his charge to protect and serve, an idea that was strenuously reinforced by his father. This is how Dean came to see all the responsibility of the world as being upon his shoulders but he never complained. Not once. He just took it because he believed he deserved it since that is how his father made his feel. Yet when his father would come in after a hunt had gone wrong he would hold his father tight and whisper that it’s ok. Even though he knew it was not. 

Dean Winchester was wrong though as there were angels watching over him though admittedly not in the protective capacity, at least not at first. No, the angels kept one eye on Dean Winchester, and his brother because of the significance of their bloodline and their destiny to be vessels that they were unaware of. When Dean Winchester’s guardian angel finally did come it was not because they were attracted to his destiny; they came because of the goodness inherent in Dean that he never could see. 

His guardian angel was Castiel who stumbled into Dean’s life as a consequence of being hunted by heaven but he was not one of the fallen. He just knew too much about the dealings of those in charge, specifically Naomi. The only way for him to escape was to hide himself in time, but in order to hide in time one has to latch on to a certain person’s timeline or they become scattered. Or worse get stuck in the nothingness. So Castiel made his choice randomly among the millions of humans unknowing at the time that it was the future righteous man. He just latched on to the brightest soul he could see. 

It’s not certain who was the most shocked when Castiel first appears to a 10 year old Dean Winchester in the motel room his dad abandoned him and his brother in for that week. Some part inside of him had to resist the urge to laugh when Dean Winchester immediately stabs him in the chest. Trust him to latch on to the son of a hunter of all people. 

The blade had not hurt him though, as he was no demon, a fact that he immediately told Dean after he pulled the knife out of his chest much to Dean’s horror. As he declared himself to be an angel of the lord, the young Sam Winchester pushed past the defensive position his brother had instinctively cast in front of him and gasped, “Really?” 

Dean however was not so easily impressed and shoved Sam behind him again. “Of course he’s not an angel Sam. They don’t exist.” 

Castiel remained patient for a while after this declaration but seeing that Dean would not be abated so easily he let himself exhibit a rare declaration of power. As the lights flickered around them, which they had done since his arrival, as he was having trouble controlling his powers since he was not used to his vessel yet, Castiel let the shadows of his wings be seen to the two Winchester brothers. Even Dean, despite his stubbornness could not help but admire the majesty of them, and he had to physically stop Sam from bowing at Castiel’s feet. 

“Sammy get up.” Dean barks but Sam refuses to move still staring at the space where Castiel’s wings had been projected. “It’s just a cheap parlour trick that’s all.” 

“No Dean. He’s the real deal. I can feel it. Besides when you stabbed him nothing happened.” Dean however was having none of what Sam was saying and just glared at him briefly while keeping a steady eye on the ‘angel’ in case he tried anything. 

Sam though would not be so easily placated and nervously asked the angel, “What’s your name?” 

The angel almost smiled then and looked down kindly upon Sam. “My name is Castiel.” 

Sam bounced up and down at his reply while Dean just rolled his eyes. “You’re the angel of Thursday!” he declared. Stupid nerdy Sam Dean thought, but that he used a real angel name didn’t mean anything. I mean even he could have looked one up himself if he was so inclined, which he was not. 

Suddenly, Castiel scrunched up his face obviously in some sort of pain and Dean found himself unconsciously leaning in closer to the man or angel or demon to see if he was all right. Eventually Castiel managed to get some sort of hold on himself but his voice was now strained, as he said, “I have to go now. Dean.” He looked intently at Dean before turning and facing Sam. “Sam”. While Sam offered him a small smile in turn for his acknowledgment Dean continued to look a mixture of annoyed and bewildered. 

Then Castiel could just not hold on any longer and found himself hurtling through time again. He still had not got a proper grip on Dean Winchester’s time line, but he was determined as soon as ripped away from Dean and Sam to get back to them. That was just something about the boy’s innocent yet too old for their years eyes that screamed that they needed protecting. Well, Castiel could be the one to do that. 

After Castiel left Dean gave his brother a stern talking to in order to ensure that he would not spill anything of what happened to their father. Dean knew that he would just find some way to turn it round so the blame was placed on him. Besides, hopefully this Castiel (god, what a pompous name) would not be returning any time soon. 

In fact Castiel (or Cas, as Dean soon christened him) did return again and again, eventually gaining the trust of the two Winchester brothers. He was both of their protectors, but he was Dean’s best friend, and the only other person than Sam he could confide him. It was Cas who looked after him after Sam left for Stanford. It was only Cas that would never leave him that was until his visits started to become less and less frequent. In fact the last time Dean saw Cas before he disappeared Cas had seemed on edge, which unless he was worrying about Dean was something completely unheard of for his stoic demeanour. It was then that Dean had started to panic, and as time drifted on and Cas still hadn’t returned Dean found himself turning to drink more and more as a coping mechanism. He just couldn’t lose Cas too. It would be enough to send him hurtling over the edge and he almost did send himself toppling on some of his alcoholic binges.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I have started with posting 2 chapters because the first chapter was just a prologue. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and any feedback would be much appreciated.

October 2006 

It’s been six long months since Deam last saw Cas and he has spent most of it searching for him and after all that he finds him sitting alone in the park he had just happened to been walking through. Al that and he’s just sitting staring aimlessly into the distance like he always does, content with observing humanity. He had gone for the walk to clear his head of Cas and now all of a sudden he’s screaming with it.

He doesn’t know what to do. He can’t think. He wants to ring Sammy and tell him to get his ass down there because he’s found him. He’s found CAS. But there is no time and before he correctly processes what he’s doing he’s running towards Cas shouting his name as he does so. Cas doesn’t answer admittedly, not registering his name being called because it’s been so long since someone has called it but eventually Dean’s cries break into his consciousness. He turns round then and stands to face Dean just as he slows down from his run and strides towards him full of purpose. “Cas.” Dean says as he envelopes Cas into a hug. “I’ve missed you buddy!” 

Cas is too shocked to hug him back though he wants too. He’s missed Dean more than he’s missed being able to be stationary in one place but at that moment he still can’t quite believe Dean is there. He had been trying so hard to latch on to his timeline again and he had thought he had lost him. After a while Dean lets him go and they both register the loss at once but make no effort to retain the physical connection. Dean looks at a loss of what to say. Cas had expected him to ask something along the lines of “Where the hell of you been Cas?” but remarkably he seems reluctant to pursue the subject. Maybe it’s easier not to ask. For Dean it probably is anyway, as the stupid idiot most likely thinks that he did something to offend him. Or that he doesn’t want to see him anymore. It doesn’t help that the first time he sees him after all of that is by accident. He wants to tell him that all he is been trying to do is search for him. He wants to tell him about the nothingness but something of Dean must have rubbed off on him, as he just can’t bring himself to. 

Dean goes to sit down on the bench next to the one Cas was on after the silence after their hug had started to reach unbearable levels. It was different to the comfortable silence they usually shared. With everyone else he had always felt the need to cover the silence with an awkward, usually dirty joke but with Cas he could just be without having to feel like he had to be so ‘on’ all the time like everyone else. Sure, even with Cas he kept his walls up at all times but as of yet no one, except Sam on a handful of occasions had managed to breach them. Cas had made noticeable dents on occasion though. 

However, for a few moments the uncomfortable silence faded and was replaced by the silence that they had always shared and had both missed desperately and in those moments they both silently revelled at being reunited with one another. 

As they sat Dean pondered about how Cas had been right when he said that they had a profound bond. It was like they were linked somehow, and every time Cas was away from him that link started to break and a corresponding part of Dean broke too. But then Dean being Dean he mentally scolded himself for being such a sentimental sap. Why couldn’t he think about how much Cas meant to him without being such a girl about it? He then scolded himself again for the girl analogy annoyed that it had become his default setting even in his own thoughts. It was then when it struck him once again that he would die for Cas in a heartbeat. In fact he would do anything for him and that scared him. The only people he had been willing to do that for before was family. His father he would have died despite how disappointed he seemed in Dean, but Sam and his mother (if she were still alive) he would do anything for. When had Cas suddenly been thrust into that same category or had he in fact always been there? 

It was as Dean was on the edge of a revelation that Cas broke the silence and began to speak. He couldn’t find it in him to tell him everything but had to tell Dean something so he bit his lip, mentally counted down from five to give himself courage, as he always did and started to speak. “I don’t know what to say”. Dean laughed at this, a fragile, unpleasant thing because him and Cas had never not been able to communicate before. 

They had been angry, sad and the happiest he had ever been and even then there had been communication maybe not verbally but through their eyes. They were both looking at each other now but for once their thoughts needed to be verbalised. There was too much unsaid between them so Dean asked, softer than Cas had hoped he would, “Cas, where have you been?” though the true version, “Cas, why did you leave me?” went unspoken except in his head. 

During this their eyes kept a steady rhythm on each other. Sam would tease Dean about it sometimes (and secretly refer to it in his head as eye fucking when their gazes were particularly intense) but he would never push it too far because he knew it symbolised something deeper about their relationship that they just hadn’t realised yet. 

Without breaking eye contact Cas answered, “I’ve been everywhere Dean, searching. Searching for you.” 

Dean however had broken eye contact once Cas had started talking and had lowered his head afraid of what he might hear and not wanting his eyes to betray him to Cas. He looked up though once Cas had finished, in complete disbelief and trying to not convey the awe he felt. His entire being was screaming Cas didn’t leave you but then he realised that if Cas was looking for him how come it took Dean finding him by chance for them to be reunited. Cas seemingly had never had any trouble finding him before no matter where he was. He had asked him once and he had said it was a simple matter of following his time line. He had linked himself to it he said. That had made him happy because it meant that it was Dean Cas was coming back for him and nobody else. It was Dean’s life that was linked with him and it reminds him of the strange surge of possessiveness he had felt when he thought Cas had linked himself to Sam’s timeline that one time instead of his own. 

“But I couldn’t find you.” Dean didn’t realise Cas had spoken until all the words had come to their end yet his subconscious had acknowledged it and he found himself hearing the words after they had been spoken in a way that was curious to say the least.

“How come?” Deab replied trying to avoid anything that sounded like he was confronting Cas. “I mean you never had a problem finding me before. “ 

“Something…” Cas didn’t know how to explain without worrying Dean. How could he tell him that he was getting weaker? That he was getting pulled into the nothingness again and again. “Something is pulling me away from you.” 

The explanation brief as it was seemed to satisfy Dean. Sure, he was angry at whatever it was that was keeping Cas away from him but at least he wasn’t staying away by choice. At least he still wanted to seem him. Selfish as it was it mattered more to him that Cas still wanted him.

“Is there not anything you can do?” Dean realised how pathetic it sounded as soon as it came out of his mouth but it was too late to retract the statement.

Cas didn’t get angry though but simply sighed and looked forlorn more than anything. “I’ve tried everything that I can think of. I pray all the time. But nothing works.” 

Dean involuntary scoffed. The mentioning of praying to anyone but Cas bringing out an instant bad taste on his insides. God for all his intents and purposes didn’t exist, despite the evidence of the angel sitting across from him. He didn’t know why Cas had believed in him this long. “Praying never works Cas,” he said resignedly.  
He had expected Cas to tilt his head in that way as if he could just not understand Dean at all but instead Cas surprised him and said, “Dean I too have doubts.” He laughs awkwardly and brokenly. “With the way I exist how can I not?” 

“How do you keep going?” Dean asks in return more for himself than Cas. He needs to know how to go on without him, but he knows it’s pointless to ask him because Cas saved him and he can’t survive without him. He needs him. 

“I always find my way back to you,” Cas says simply and honestly. 

Dean wants to reach out in that moment so badly and hug him or to at least touch some part of him to let him know that he will always be there but years of repressing his emotions stand in his way and all he can do is stare back at Cas and hope that he understands that he gets it and that he will always be there waiting because they’re family. The look he gets back from Cas conveys so much love and understanding he wants to pull away because he doesn’t deserve it but his body won’t let him move. 

Instead they sit in complete ease, as they both find comfort in each other’s presence, especially Dean who is not angry with Cas, not anymore, but angry with the universe for constantly keeping them apart. It’s not just that they are kept apart that bothers him but that Cas isn’t allowed peace. That he constantly has to move all the time because he’s hunted. He still hasn’t told him who by but that doesn’t matter, not really. 

What matters is what Cas told him about that he is unable to control his movement anymore. There’s something more he’s not telling him. More than that he is losing faith. Dean himself has never truly believed in God, Sam had when they were young. Even as a kid he had more faith than Dean. Dean guesses that he lost his faith around the time his mum died in the house fire. How could he believe in a God that would allow that to happen? All Dean had ever believed in was Cas. He wants to tell him that but he doesn’t know how, like everything he feels about Cas. There’s so much he wants to tell him like that he has to find a way to stay because he can’t function without his visits. Like that he needs him. Not just because he’s saved him so many times but because Cas is a part of him now. 

And he feels like Cas deserves to know that before he goes because who knows when he will back again. Dean takes a deep breath trying not to think about the words he is going to say and tries to let them just tumble out of his mouth because it’s easier that way. Sure, he could end up saying too much but better too much than nothing. However, his default setting is just to say nothing and so instead of letting himself by taken over he allows himself to think, which consequently ends with him stammering out, “Cas... I”, but at that moment Cas’s face erupts into shock, as he starts to fade away. He’s being ripped from Dean again and he doesn’t know where he will be. He can’t go into the nothingness again. It’s too consuming. No one should ever see it. Not even an angel. Even they can’t handle it. It’s pure emptiness and every time he gets banished there it feels like not all of him comes back. 

Dean is shouting now, a steady rhythm of “CAS” that makes his lungs ache but its too late he’s gone now. Dean is alone again. 

…

He wonders if Sammy will believe him. He’s heard how desperate he was to find him and probably thinks hallucinations are only one step away. To be honest Dean wouldn’t be entirely certain that he hadn’t dreamed it if it wasn’t for the fact that Cas didn’t disown him. So it doesn’t matter now if Sam will believe him. He needs his help. He needs to get Cas back and Sam is just going to have to quit being a little bitch and help him. 

Of course, this is probably easier said than done since him and Sam hadn’t actually seen each other in two years. Well, there’s not entirely true. A couple of times Dean had driven up in the Impala, which is father very hesitantly lent him and certainly wouldn’t have let him use if he knew where he was going and just watched Sam enjoy his life from afar. He never got too close in case he saw and every time he did it he swore never to do it again because it just made him feel so goddamn empty instead but he kept going back. The only thing stopping him from running up to Sam and never letting him go was the knowledge that he chose to leave. He chose to leave him. And people wonder where Dean gets his abandonment issues from. Though it’s unfair just to blame Sam for this, his father is much more to blame. 

It’s going to be weird seeing him again and Dean is aware that Sam will more than likely not be very happy at all to see him but he can’t do this alone and Cas was not just there for him he was there, he was there for Sam too. He wonders how surprised Sam will be when he turns up. It’s only about a four-hour drive from where he is now. He should get there before it’s too late. He probably should ring up and warn him or something in case he’s out but he just can’t bring himself too. He just needs to get to him as soon as possible. 

Sam he reasons will know what to do, despite how unhelpful he had been a week ago when he had finally caved in and rang him from a pay phone. He’s not even quite sure why he even bothered to ring from a pay phone as it not even as if he will try to find him, but it just felt like the right thing to do somehow. It had been as difficult as hell trying to get his number, but he had visited Sam a week before fully intending to finally see him but in the end had been unable to face him. 

However, the visit had not been a total bust because despite his brother’s total lack of game some chick had asked for his number, which Sam had originally refused because from what Dean could gather from his position in the bar he had a girlfriend, but then had relented when the girl explained that she had heard he did Latin tutoring and that is why she had approached him. His brother had blushed a little at that and Dean had to choke back a laugh because despite that he seemed somehow to have got himself a girlfriend his stupid kid brother definitely had a lack of finesse with ladies. Unlike himself of course. 

This was put in to practice when he managed to charm the girl who had asked for Sam’s number so that he was able to grab and note down Sam’s number, which she had left on a crumpled piece of note paper in her bag while she went to the toilet. Sure, he had felt all kinds of wrong rummaging through a ladies’ purse but it was for the greater good. Luckily he had a pen and paper free just from habit when posing as an FBI agent so he didn’t have to remember the number, as after the few beers he had memorising things was not exactly his strong point and when Shelly, or Shelia (he’s not entirely certain- it definitely started with an S) he didn’t stop with him charm offensive and was pretty satisfied when he drove off later having actually managed to literally charm the pants of her. 

It took a week of having Sam’s number until he finally plucked up the courage for to call Sam, and while he was doing so he still had to remind himself he was doing it for Cas’s sake. Sam took ages to pick up and Dean immediately starting thinking it was hopeless and that Sam was too darn smart to pick up to an unknown number. However, just as the dialling tone started to get too much for him he heard the unmistakeable sound of his brother on the phone. He sounded younger if that was possible; maybe less world-weary was a better way to describe it. Either way it threw Dean and it wasn’t until Sam had saw “Hello” into the receiver a couple of times he managed to gather the composure to say “Hello Sammy”. 

“Dean?” Sammy replied in an impossibly quiet voice. “Is that really you?” 

“Yeah it’s me.” Both brothers were momentarily at a loss of what to say after that. There was so much they could and should say to each other but it just wasn’t in their nature to do so. 

It was Sam that eventually broke the silence. “What is it Dean? Are you hurt? Is Dad hurt?” Sam’s voice started to increase in volume as his panic intensified. It seemed completely probable to him that the only reason his brother would ring him was because something terrible had happened. 

“No, no nothing like that. Jeez can’t a guy ring his own brother without him assuming the worst?” 

“We can’t Dean.” They both unknowingly pulled the same facial expressions at those words. No one else could understand what being a Winchester meant and they both lamented then, even Dean who would avoid it usually at all times that they had nobody which they could talk to about it. 

Then Dean realised that they had Cas except he wasn’t here and that was the reason he had rang Sammy but just as he started to say, “Sam I…” Sam burst out saying, “How did you even get this number Dean?” The tone wasn’t deliberately accusatory but it lacked any comedy to it. All that was necessary from Sam was just a little laugh, however fake to show Dean that he wasn’t angry but although he wasn’t angry at Dean (he never had been) Dean was too close to his father and the world he was trying to escape. He hated himself for the selfishness of it but Dean could bring down the life he had finally made for himself. 

Dean swallowed in an attempt to keep a hold on himself and not start shouting at Sam down the phone about how he’d left him all alone until he hung up. “That’s not important Sam.” 

Sam makes a noise like he is about to start ranting about how it is pretty important and then after that it will just get uglier and uglier so Dean cuts him off. “Look Sam I just want to know if you’ve heard from Cas.” Dean can actually hear Sam release the air he had been preserving to shout at him. 

“No Dean I presumed I hadn’t seen him because I wasn’t with you.” 

“Oh ok.” Dean has to stop himself smashing his fists against the phone box. Dammit, Sam had been the only lead he had left. 

“Look if you see him just…I don’t know tell him to get in touch or whatever.” Dean automatically balks at the patheticness of his words but what can he say. He can’t tell Sam to ring him he doesn’t have his number and probably doesn’t want it either. 

“Dean is Cas ok?” Sam asks genuinely concerned because although he always knew that Dean and Cas had that something extra between them, him and Cas were friends, best friends even and he misses him almost as much as he misses Dean. 

“I don’t know Sammy I just don’t know,” he says with a shake of his head. His head is downcast now but he can still see someone outside waiting to use the phone. 

“Dean…” 

“Look Sammy just find someway to let me know if you see him. I’m worried. I have to go now. Take care of yourself.” 

Sam opens his mouth ready to protest and beg his brother to stay on the line but it’s too late, as he’s already hung up. He kicks his kitchen counter in frustration causing his girlfriend Jess to call from their bedroom to ask if he’s all right. He lies and says he is, but his brother as always has got under his skin. Also, he wouldn’t say it but it’s obvious his brother was worried about Cas and if he had to sink to the depth to call him then it’s clear he’s been gone for some time. Sam’s worried about Cas but there’s nothing he can do. It’s not his time line that Cas was ever linked to, despite his brother’s protests to the contrary even after Cas informed repeatedly that it was him he was latched on to. 

He also does not like to think of his brother without Cas. Cas kept him grounded, stopped him from making at least some of the stupid head strong decisions he was inclined to make, even if he was also the cause of some of these decisions. His brother needed Cas and Cas needed him. They were just destined to be together and Sam hoped that all would be well soon. Although knowing the curse the Winchester’s seemed to have on them it would not be. 

Some part of Sam feels that if Cas is missing he should go and take his place but he can’t. He has a life at the University. He has friends. He has Jess and he’s well on his way to his dream of becoming a lawyer. He just wishes that his brother would have the courage to quit the path their father paved for them. But he knows that it’s not just the path he would have to quit. He doesn’t like to admit it, but Sam knows that Dean wants revenge for his mother almost as much as his father does. 

It’s different for him he still remembers her. Sam hates himself for it but he was only a baby when she died and though he laments her loss everyday she’s not as much as a tangible presence as she is for Dean. Dean remembers her and he loved her more than anyone. More than his father even because it’s a purer, less selfish love. Dean always did love in that all encompassing way. Sam had no doubt he would do anything for those he loved and that is why he had always lived his life as a string of one night stands. He was too scared to let anyone else in. It would just be another person to hurt him. 

Jess calls him then to the bedroom to help her with her dress, which briefly interrupts his thoughts but Dean has wormed his way into his brain now and over the next couple of days he finds himself frequently drifting off while contemplating his brother’s pain. Eventually though it goes to the back of his mind and it is just at that point when his brother breaks his way back into his life. Literally.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, right well here's the next chapter. Sorry if there are any mistakes. I've only had a chance to look through it once and I still don't have a beta so I apologise. I will look through it again tomorrow and edit it if there are any mistakes. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and again any comments are appreciated.

SLAM.

Dean didn’t even take care in disguising the noise of the door when he entered Sam’s apartment. Goddammit he wanted him to know he was there. He couldn’t help but be a little pissed at him still, despite how much he missed him. Sam, his hunter instincts still largely intact (in fact they had barely left him- he doesn’t think they ever will) woke up from the noise straight away. It didn’t help that now he was able to get a decent night sleep, his ability to wake at any noise was heightened, as it was only ever the comatose like sleep after a hunt that ever truly left him vulnerable. It was bizarre that despite the fact it made him feel defenceless he missed it. There was just something natural about it, even when he woke up a dishevelled mess in the morning because he’d been too tired to wash or change. Nothing is more refreshing, especially those times that he’d been allowed to fully let himself conk out safe with the knowledge that his brother was watching out for him, like he always did. 

Sam quickly went about identifying the noise, as he crept through the house silently but with every sense on full alert like the hunter he still is stalking his prey, despite the fact he was pretty certain that he was the one who was supposed to be being hunted. Once he reached the doorway, which gave him a good view of the whole apartment he stood still watching and waiting for them to make a move and sure enough he heard a faint creaking noise and saw a shadow skulking across the wall. He then leapt immediately into action determined to locate the threat, and if necessary eliminate it. Luckily for him the previously undetermined shape walked out in front of him, though now he could be fairly certain it was a man or at least something masquerading as a man. Confident that he had the advantage he attacked and soon found himself lost in combat. The man was good, matching his jabs blow for blow and despite his best efforts Sam soon found himself knocked to the ground with the man looming on top of him. 

Once he recollected his senses he looked up, and properly looked at the man for the first time and was shocked to find his brother looking up at him, a hint of his trademark grin on his face. It was only when his brother said, “Woah. Easy tiger,” that he knew for certain it was him. 

Still slightly shocked he said, “Dean?”, which just caused his brother to grin and break out into a small chuckle at his brother’s bewildered expression. I mean the call was one thing but he never expected his brother to actually show up here at his apartment of all places. 

“You scared the crap out of me,” Sam said but with no malice in the words. He was still bewildered that his brother was actually here and hadn’t appeared to have changed at all, except in his eyes. As much as he tried to act all nonchalant Sam could tell something was wrong but he knew his brother and he was just going to have to wait for him to reveal it. 

“That’s cause you’re out of practice,” he cheekily replied, which of course prompted Sam to fight back causing Dean to now be the one on his back. There was no one who could bring out the instinct to squabble like idiots in him like his brother. Never had he had bickered like he did with his brother with anyone else. Even now, despite not seeing his brother for two years he checks his shampoo before he uses it still wary due to the infamous Nair incident during their prank war, which had escalated that badly that they had both agreed to end it (considering both of their stubbornness this was a monumental achievement). 

“Or not,” Dean corrected after lightly chucking and flashing his devilish grin. Sam just resisted the urge to sigh. Trust his brother to be happy that his brother had managed to outmanoeuvre him. He probably misinterpreted it as meaning that there was still hope for Sam being a hunter yet. Though after a few moments, Dean said, a little breathlessly (because of the shock of being near his brother again and being flung to the ground), “Get off me”, to which Sam complied and then helped to pull him up in an effortless gesture that if anyone had been watching they would had noticed how fluidly they moved together. 

It was once they had both risen from the floor that Sam managed to get over the shock of seeing his brother enough to ask, “Dean, what the hell are you doing here?” When he said it he couldn’t help but sound a little bit annoyed because although he had missed his brother a hell of a lot more than he would admit he just couldn’t break into his apartment in the middle of the night announced. Dean however decided to ignore the serious tone to his brother’s voice and cheekily said, “I was looking for a beer,” while patting Sam’s chest with both hands in what was meant to be a mocking gesture. 

This just caused Sam to get more annoyed so that when he said, “What are you doing here?” again each word was announced carefully so that was a definite no bullshit is allowed tone to his voice. 

Noticing this Dean takes a step back from the casual demeanour he been exhibiting and takes on a slightly more serious tone and says, “Ok, Alright, We gotta talk.” 

“Uh. A phone?” Sam replied remembering their previous phone conversation. 

Dean just stared at him straight in the eyes and said, “I…look I need to talk to you in person about…”

It was at that moment that Jessica turned on the light switch for the room and both the brother’s heads immediately whipped round. 

“Sam?” Jessica asked her eyes still blurry from sleep. 

Sam tried not to look awkward as he tried to think of the best way to explain what was going on, not that he was really sure himself. “Jess. Hey.” He then changes his mind about lying about who Dean is and decides that he might as well introduce them. “Dean. This is my girlfriend Jessica.” 

After hearing the name Dean Jess steps forward, visibly excited. She’s heard Sam mention the name Dean a few times before on those rare occasions that she actually got him to talk about his family, and despite the cagey, almost resentful look he got on his face whenever he talked about his family when he mentioned Dean his eyes softened instantly. That is before he remembered himself but Jess knew Sam and there was no denying how much he loved his brother. 

“Wait your brother Dean?” Jess asked.

Dean just beamed back at her pointing to her top, which had a noticeable slit in and in true Dean like fashion said, “I love the smurfs”. Sam just tried to resist the urge to hit his brother again. 

This urge intensified when Dean stepped up to Jess with a baffled expression on his face and said, “You know I gotta tell you you are completely out of my brother’s league.” Jess just smiled in a knowing way not responding to the look Dean was giving her at all. 

“Let me just put something on,” was all she said in response now that she had gotten over the surprise of what was going on. 

“No. No. I wouldn’t dream of it. Seriously” was Dean’s e reply but there was something different and off about that made it sound a creepier than usual and Sam couldn’t help but wince for his brother. He knew that he should be annoyed about Dean blatantly checking out his girlfriend but Dean was so obviously trying to revert back to his factory Dean settings that he knew he was hiding something. He was just sorry that this was Jess’s first experience of his brother because he knew deep down that if his brother wasn’t obviously trying to hide something and wasn’t more than a little bit resentful of him at that present moment in time that him and Jess would get on like a house on fire. 

However, Jess held her own trying not to roll her eyes and instead looked at Sam as if to say seriously, but he didn’t know how to express ‘Hey, sorry my brother’s not usually this bad (ok, well most of the time) but it’s obvious something upset him so please forgive him,’ so instead he just glared at Dean who was blissfully oblivious. 

“Anyway,” Dean said as he moved towards Sam, “I gotta borrow your boyfriend here and talk about some private family business. But hey nice meeting you.” 

Despite, Dean’s attitude Jess gave Sam a smile to say ‘it’s ok you can talk to your brother’ and Sam couldn’t help but be in awe of her then cause not only could she communicate to him without saying any words what she did communicate showed just how much she was an awesome girlfriend. It was for that reason that Sam decided to hell with his brother, just because he’s obviously going through something doesn’t give him the excuse to be a douche to his girlfriend. 

“No,” Sam said and then walked towards Jess causing Dean to glare daggers at him. “No, whatever you want to say you can say it in front of her.”

“Ok. Cas hasn’t been home in a few months.” 

“So,” Sam replied still giving Dean one of his patented bitch looks. “He’ll stumble back in sooner or later.” After saying the words he instantly regretted it because he knew from the phone call that something was obviously up with Cas but he was angry with his brother for his dickish behaviour towards Jess. Also, what must Jess think, I mean who goes on hunting trips for months at a time. 

Dean in response gives Sam a knowing smirk. He knows he shouldn’t have leered at his girlfriend the way he did and it had pissed him off, but he was annoyed ok, and still mixed up from seeing Cas. And he can’t tell Sam everything with his girlfriend standing right there. I mean he’s just had to lie and say that Cas hadn’t been home in a few months that although had previously been true was not as of today. Not that he even had a home to make it completely true. But his brother’s last answer had truly set him over the edge now. He frigging knows something is up with Cas, he as much as told him that when he’d rang him, so he decides he might as well lie to him again as he deserves it. 

“Cas is on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few months.” Sam’s face instantly drops at that and Jess ever the dutiful girlfriend looks up at her boyfriend worriedly knowing instantly that something is well and truly wrong. She’d only heard him mention Cas once or twice in regards to his brother and from what she’d gathered he was a really close family friend or something like that but he kind of drifted in and out of their lives a lot. 

“Jess, excuse us, we have to go outside” Sam says too formally for how close they are together, but Jess doesn’t take offence at the words. She knows that Sam’s family is one big mess and whatever us going is a private family thing, unless Sam wants to tell her. As long as it doesn’t affect their relationship she accepts that it’s none of her business. But seriously though who goes on hunting trips for months at a time? And more importantly why does she get the feeling that hunting trip was just a code for something else?

After seeing Sam’s face drop the way it did Dean can’t help but feel a little bit guilty about lying to Sam about what happened to Cas though in a way it’s not a lie though because despite that it is not Cas doing the hunting Dean is fairly certain that Cas is being hunted. He still can’t help but feel bad though because Cas had helped them hunt in the past, which had usually been hilarious as Cas didn’t really get the concept of bending the truth and was always so goddamn literal, which had made for some hilarious situations. He can’t help but laugh at the memory of Cas saying, “We’ll tell the officer he witnessed an angel of the lord and the officer will tell us where the angel is,” but then if he thinks about that memory too long his throat begins to tighten when he remembers how afterwards he had tightened his angels tie because it was always frickin backwards and maybe he had lingered a little too long while staring into those deep blue eyes of his. 

But Cas had sometimes hunted on his own when it didn’t involve interaction with actual humans- they usually just sent him off when they needed something difficult to retrieve like holy oil or if they needed something smiting though most of the time they hunted together and for a long period after Sam had left it had been just him and Cas. But then Cas had started to disappear on him leaving Dean alone again because he barely ever saw his Dad now. Actually thinking about his Dad he hadn’t heard (been yelled at) him for a while now; he probably should give him a ring soon. Pocketing that thought Dean makes a mental note to ask Sam about Dad later after he’s convinced him to help him find Cas, and then to ring him depending on what Sam says.

As they start to descend down the stairs that lead up to Sam’s apartment, Sam allows himself to get a little bit more annoyed at Dean now Jess isn’t around to hear them. 

“I mean come on you can’t just break into my apartment in the middle of the night and expect me to hit the road with you.” 

“You’re not hearing me Sam I mean Cas is missing. I need you to help me find him.”

“Remember the shapeshifter in Chicago. He was missing then. He’s always missing and he’s always fine.”

“Never for this long. Now are you coming with me or not?” 

“I’m not. Look Dean I swore I was done with all this.” Dean turned away from him sharply after that. He couldn’t believe it. After all Cas had done for them and Sam can’t be bothered to come help him when he needs it. Ok, so maybe he hadn’t really explained the situation to him in full but goddamn it he should just be willing to come no questions asked because that is what Cas would do for them. 

Taking a deep breath Dean braced himself to make one final attempt to convince his brother because he was the finest researcher he’d ever seen. Probably because he’s one of the smartest son of a bitch’s he’d ever seen. I mean he got into Stanford for Christ sake’s despite how much they had moved around as kids. “Sam.” Dean cleared his throat and then continued after deciding it was best to try to appeal to his sense of family as much as possible. “Sammy. Cas…he’s in trouble I know he is. There’s more to it then what I’ve been telling you and I swear to god I’ll tell you everything but I just need you to trust me and come with me because I can’t save him without you.” 

Sam looks into his brother’s eye and can tells he’s serious so ever so slightly begrudgingly he says, “Ok let me just talk to Jess but I can’t be gone more than a week ok?” 

Before Dean can open his mouth to protest Sam cuts him off again. “I have an important interview I have to get back for, alright?” 

Deciding that he better just get what ever he can Dean swallows his pride and gives Sam a nod. “Alright.” He hesitates a moment and then pushes his luck just a little bit because after all that’s what he’s famous for. “What’s the interview for?” 

For a moment Sam looks like he’s not going to answer and is just going to walk back inside but instead he tells the truth. “It’s for law school.” 

Dean can’t help but let out a little smile at that. His little brother, a lawyer. Despite, how much he can’t stand that his brother had to leave him in order to go down this path he’s fucking proud of his brother for all he’s achieved. He always had been. It been him that had smiled at him every time he got an A and kept it neatly tuckered away in his jacket pocket. At first his father had showed pride too but as Sam started to get older he wanted him to become more and more invested in the job as opposed to school so then whenever his brother did well he’d beam at him, ruffle his hair, call him a nerd and then promise to get him some ice-cream later as a treat and then even though he hated to do so made sure he didn’t tell dad. 

Sam lets out a sigh then as he ponders whether or not he truly wanted Dean to say alright or not. I mean of course he wants to help Cas but he knows as soon as he gets back into that world he won’t get out again. He’s not good in that world; he just isn’t. The problem is that when he’s in it he feels like he belongs more than he ever has in the ‘real’ world, except of course when he’s with Jess. Oh god, Jess how is he going to explain this to her? Though knowing her she will just accept it, as long as he promises to come back. She knows there’s something different to say the least about his family but after seeing the way his face tensed up when he talked about it she had never pressed the issue. God, she really is the perfect girlfriend and here he is abandoning her for some crazy chase for Cas, but there was just something about his brother’s face when he was telling him about it. He just looked so broken. Him and Cas always had some sort of weird sixth sense about each other and he can tell that right now Dean’s Cas sense is firing on all rounds so he looks Dean in the eye and says, “Wait here, while I go pack.” 

He doesn’t wait for Dean to reply and instead half jogs until he is back inside the apartment building again. Once inside he takes a seat on the bottom step of the stairs until realising that his stupid impossibly long legs make it too uncomfortable so pushes himself up a few stairs so he doesn’t feel as trapped in a box anymore. He just needs a few minutes he tells himself to gather his thoughts and figure out what the hell he is going to tell Jess but if he’s being honest in those minutes he wasn’t thinking about what to tell Jess because despite how much he would hate to admit he is still able to lie quickly and efficiently from having to escape so many potentially awkward situations. No, in those minutes he was putting himself in the mind-set so he would be able to tell those lies. He was allowing himself to think as a hunter again. 

When he does get inside his apartment again he methodologically sets about packing some clothes and the few weapons he had hidden because dammit as much as he wanted to believe that this life was behind him he knew what was in the dark. 

Towards the end of packing, luckily after he’d packed all the weapons, Jess comes into the room, not looking angry or really that surprised about what is going on. 

“Wait,” she says with no real resentment in her voice. “You’re taking off. Is this about your friend Cas? Is he ok?” 

Sam could almost kiss her for that. Trust Jess not to be upset that he leaving and instead be more concerned about friends of his that she had never even met or really knows that much about. It hurts but he attempts to deflect in his response but it comes out a little weak even to his own ears. 

“Uh...you know just a little friendship drama,” he says as he walks over to the drawers to get some more clothes because something tells him he’s going to be gone for the whole week. 

“Your brother said something about a hunting trip,” questions Jess because it had bothered her when he had mentioned that. There was just something off about it, it didn’t help that when he mentioned it that was the moment that Sam had come to the conclusion that the conversation was better off away from her ears. 

Trying to put Sam at ease she sits down on the bed so that he hovers over her, not that he doesn’t before but she always been fascinated by how body language can have an effect on people and she’d found that Sam had always responded better when she put herself on a lower level. She hated doing it sometimes, as it felt like she was manipulating him but she only did it when she felt he needed to talk about his feelings because even though he’s all for prompting other people to share everything when it comes to certain things, specifically his family Sam is the most unresponsive person she’s ever met. 

She’s not sure why her sitting on the bed talking to him usually works, as if anything despite his tallness he always seems to try to accommodate everyone. She had laughed sometimes when she had seen the way he’d hunch his shoulders whenever he’s walk next to someone particularly short in the corridor, or you know even someone relatively normal height because he loomed over most people. Maybe then she was wrong about her being at a lower level being the trigger but whatever it was he seemed to find it soothing and she hoped it would be enough to coax something out of him now. 

“Yeah he’s probably fine. Just got carried away. Me and my brother just need to go drag him back that’s all,” Sam says flashing Jess a smile that he hoped didn’t look too forced, as he starts to leave. 

She immediately stands up at the motion and asks “What about the interview?” 

He can’t help but smile genuinely at that because trust Jess to worry about that for him. “Don’t worry,” he tells her. “I’ll be back in time for the interview. This won’t take long.” 

This however doesn’t placate her like he’d hope it would and she comes rushing up to him. 

“Sam. Please. Stop for a second. Are you sure you’re ok?” 

“I’m fine.” 

Unconvinced by the scoffing gesture he made as he said the words she ploughs on. 

“But you won’t even talk about you’re family or any of your past friends. And now you’re taking off to be with them. And the interview is coming is up, which is kind of a huge deal.” 

He interrupts her then with a soft, “Hey” and for the first time since he’s start talking to her there is a genuine quality to his voice. “Everything is going to be ok. I will be back in time I promise.” 

Then before she can protest he gives he a quick peck on the cheek and leaves ignoring the half-hearted attempt she makes for him to at least tell her where he is going, as he leaves. 

When he gets into the car Dean is waiting though a little bit impatiently if the way he is shuffling in his seat is anything to go by but he doesn’t say anything as Sam manoeuvres his way into the car and dumps his bag on the back seat. 

“So where are we headed?” 

Dean who had just started driving on auto pilot as soon as Sam got in the car snaps his head around a bit belatedly at Sam’s comment, just enough for Sam to realise how distracted he is. 

“I thought we’d head to Bobby’s since he’s got the best collection of lore I’ve ever seen but we’re going to have stop on the way.” 

“Yeah Sioux Falls is a long drive.” 

“Yeah I figure we go a few hours tonight since its not that late.” Sam gives him a look at this but Dean just shrugs and continues, “And then stop at a motel and do the rest tomorrow.” 

“Ok sounds like a plan. Sam takes a breath for courage and then says. “So what was Cas hunting?” 

Dean looks away at him then, a clear sign he is hiding something but Sam waits patiently for him to fess up. “He’s not exactly hunting something. More like being hunted. I think.”

Sam doesn’t look angry but puzzled, as Dean continues. “Look I don’t know what’s wrong exactly but something is preventing him from coming back.” 

“Ok,” Sam says after a lengthy pause. “So do you think we need to be researching time travel theories more than stuff about angels?” 

Dean grips the steering wheel tightly and sounding dejected says in a smaller voice than usual, “I just don’t know Sammy.” 

At that moment Sam doesn’t care that Dean will probably flinch away at his touch and call this a chick flick moment because the look on his brother’s face when he said that is enough to make him want to cry so he places his hands on top of his brothers and says, “It’s going to be ok Dean. We’ll find him.” 

Miraculously Dean doesn’t move away from the touch but after that they don’t talk and Dean just drives until he can’t anymore and has to stop at a motel, as he tries not to think about how much more he’s going to have to explain to Sam about the Cas situation. But he just doesn’t have the energy for it right now and his brother hasn’t pushed for any more about it, thank god. 

It’s not until after they both are preparing to get into their respective beds that Sam allows himself to ask a question he’s always wanted to about Cas. 

“Dean, what exactly are you and Cas?” 

Dean shoots him a confused look and says, “What do you mean Sam, we’re best friends.” 

Despite all the alarm bells ringing in his head Sam presses on. “Yeah I know but those last couple years before…before I left I felt like you and Cas had become something…” 

“DROP IT SAM,” Dean barks out suddenly. 

Sam however refuses to not finish his sentence and carries on regardless even though it seems redundant now. 

“More. You two seemed like you had become something more.” 

Dean in response lies down in the bed not bothering with the covers with his back turned away from Sam. 

“Just go to sleep,” he huffs. 

Sam goes to speak again and press the issue but he knows his brother and when his body is closed off like the way it is right now you will get nothing out of him so he just sighs loudly and over dramatically so the stupid jerk will get how much of an emotionally constipated idiot he is and clambers into his bed not speaking again other than to say, “Night” when he turns off the bedside light. Dean doesn’t say anything. 

Truth be told what Sam had been trying to get him to talk about in regards to Cas had been a little too close to home. Dean wasn’t stupid. He knew what he felt for Cas went past that of just ordinary friendship. There was something more there. He wasn’t sure exactly what it is but if he were being honest with himself sometimes, occasionally he would allow himself to ponder (and nothing more) whether it was romantic. But he couldn’t think about that tonight not while he knew his friend was in trouble. He just wanted to feel like he was doing something to help him but he couldn’t do anything while his stupid brother was still asleep. After all, he’d gone to get him not only for emotional comfort (not that he’d ever admit that to him) but because he would actually have an idea of where to start because he didn’t have a clue. Every lead he had tried to chase had led to a dead end. Besides, Sam had always known more about the angels than him. 

Still the knowledge that Sam would know were to start when he woke up wasn’t enough to get himself to sleep and after tossing and turning for half an hour he gave into the fact that he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep without some hard liquor in his system, which seemed to be the norm nowadays anyway. Trying to be as quiet as possible because now he reflected on it he probably should have knocked on Sam’s door instead of just barging in but he was still confused from seeing Cas and once he got to Sam’s door it just happened. Though actually while he reflected on that incident he never did get to have a beer from Sam’s fridge, but it wasn’t that he was really craving he told himself as he took a sip of the whisky that he always made sure was topped up in his flask. After downing a significant amount but not enough for him to get rowdy and start to make a noise since his tolerance had increased these last few months he decided that he could probably sleep now so he shuffled back to the sleazy motel bed adjacent from Sam’s not bothering to tuck himself in instead just allowing the sheet to drape over him a little bit. 

However, when he got into bed the alcohol didn’t really have the desired effect and just made him think of Cas even more. All he could see was a swirl of all the good times him and Cas had together. He has to choke back a laugh when he remembers the time that he had tried to take Cas to a brothel after the angel had very reluctantly admitted to him that he was still a virgin. That night he dreamt about that night and all of the other nights he spent with Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I didn't want to put this at the start in case it ruined the chapter but I just wanted to mention that it was deliberate that a lot of the dialogue in this scene was ripped straight from it's kind of sister scene in the show (from the pilot in case it wasn't completely obvious), as I wanted to make it obvious while that I will steal a lot of events from canon most will be out of context or will have my own twist on them for the sake of this story. 
> 
> Also, I was thinking for the next chapter I would have excerpts from Dean's dreams as mentioned in this chapter, which would mostly just be flashbacks of him and Cas (and maybe Sam from times they've met in the past) and I was wondering whether you guys think that's a good idea? I hope you let me know what you think :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	4. An apology

Hi, this is just to apologise to anyone reading this about being late with posting but I have just been so busy with the start of the term and university work. However, I promise to post a chapter this week and then hopefully I will get back to my posting schedule as planned. Thank-you for everyone's patience!


	5. Chapter 4: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok sorry this is a day late since I said I would post by the end of last week and also that it's only half a chapter but I've been so bombed with work but I'm determined to have this weekend off so I will make sure to post this coming Sunday. Anyway, here is the first half of the chapter, I'm not sure if I'm entirely happy with it so please let me know what you think, as I think I kind of repeat myself a bit in it. Also, I have proof read it but if you notice any mistakes please let me know because I usually have to read things like 2 or 3 times before they're perfect.

Despite his thoughts just before he went to sleep Dean’s dreams weren’t immediately of Cas though like always he quickly overtook his thoughts. It started with the time at the lake. That was one of his favourites. 

It was one of those perfect summer’s days. Well by his standards it wasn’t too hot or too cold for him. He knew others would probably prefer it a bit hotter but he liked a day where it was still just cold enough for him to have his father’s leather jacket on as long as he didn’t move around too much, which suited him just fine because despite of or perhaps because of his occupation he liked to spend a lot of his time still. That day he did in fact, as he almost always did have his father’s leather jacket on. He was 23 and it was a bit looser around his shoulders than it was now but only be a little bit. It was just before Sammy left him. His father was away on a hunt and so Dean had decided that him and Sam needed a little break after how hard they had been working lately. 

Since Sam had started talking about school his father had him and Sam working more and more jobs in a not a very thinly veiled attempt to keep Sam busy but enough was enough. They were both exhausted, Sam even more so (Dean didn’t let him know but he knew that when he fell asleep or was out getting food his brother wouldn’t research but study) and Dean decided after their last hunt, which had been a particularly aggressive spirit who had left them with a few new scars that they both needed a break. It hadn’t helped that they had initially been led on the wrong path thinking that it had been the husband who had been abusive and was burnt his bones when in fact who had been the woman who had been angry when her husband had lost his job and turned abusive. They’d only realised their mistake when they’d been pined to the wall the next day when they went back to check on the house. Winchesters are nothing if not thorough. 

They only had got out alive because of Sam’s quick work at realising it must be the wife and set about burning his bones (luckily the cemetery was nearby) while Dean distracted (got beat up) b the ghost. Salt circles only go so far after all. He still had the scar on the top of his thigh from where it threw a knife at his leg. Luckily it didn’t go in too deep. After Sam had bandaged his leg since he insisted, as he had noticed how Dean was always a lot harsher with himself than anyone else. It was like Dean was punishing himself for allowing himself to get hurt, no Sam conceded as he bandaged his leg there was no ifs or buts; he was punishing himself. 

Once he had a sleep the next morning Dean made a decision. Him and his brother needed a fucking break. They had been working non stop and this was not the first time they had made a mistake that had almost cost them their lives on the last few hunts they had been on. Whatever their Dad was working on he was pretty busy with; as he had let them hunt on their own something he would never usually do so Dean made an executive decision. Said decision consisted of going down to the lake that Bobby had taken them to for the weekend that one time they had a proper holiday (their Dad still didn’t know about it- Bobby had lied and told him he was taking them out for extensive target practice after Sam had just missed on the last hunt they had been on). 

It had not taken much to convince Sam to go. As for his Dad he simply figured that if he rang them while they were there they would lie and say they just finished a case. On the way there Dean even went the extra mile hussling pool so they could hire a cabin instead of stay in a crappy motel room. He also made sure to stop at Bobby’s to borrow some fishing equipment. And that is how he found himself fishing on what he would call a perfect summer’s day. For once he was at peace and like now he often went there in his dreams because the memory itself allows him to escape his thoughts. 

However, he was not completely alone that day because it was one of those days were Cas showed up. Like always he just flew in out of the blue and Dean for once did not jump out of his skin when seeing him because he was simply to at peace with everything to do so. 

“Hello Dean” he recited and Dean at times almost found himself mouthing the words along with him. Sammy would laugh at it after Dean would initiate a joke about it but secretly Dean liked it because like Cas it was routine. Cas admittedly wasn’t always reliable but he would always turn up eventually and usually when he needed him most. 

This time when Cas had voiced his greeting Dean had just nodded in response still lost in the fishing and the tranquillity of the day. He didn’t want his voice to ruin it. 

“I didn’t know you fished,” Cas mused. He had previously been staring straight ahead but when he voiced his sentence he looked directly at Dean who glanced over at his shoulder to stare back. This went on for longer than most would find comfortable until Dean coughed in a way to suggest he was clearing his throat but was in fact just because he had realised how long they had been staring at each other. 

“Yeah Bobby taught me,” Dean replied taking his eyes off Castiel and placing them back on the fishing line. 

Cas however did not notice Dean’s slight awkwardness and took a step forward before saying, “It suits you”, which just got him another look from Dean that was more questioning then the one before. 

They did not say anything for a few hours after that. They just separately contemplated in silence, Dean in the comfort of his chair and Cas not knowing any different from his standing up position. Eventually the silence was broken when Dean’s line started to pull. And that’s when that dream faded and Dean instead found himself standing behind a table that housed a sitting Castiel. 

It was another memory. It was after Sam had left and his father had left him alone in disgust after berating him for days so of course he had turned to drink but he was not alone because just as he started his first drink he had heard a determined knock at the door. He grunts annoyed that his plan had been interrupted before it had even begun but he trudged to the door not even noticing that the knock although insistent was the special knock (it was simply knocking 3 times and then waiting 3 seconds and knocking 3 times again). However, he opened the door regardless past the point of caring if there was a threat waiting for him. 

When he saw Castiel stood there staring at him looking as stoic as ever before he could control himself he found that he was wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. Castiel shocked didn’t respond straight away but although he had been hugged only a few times and usually by the younger Winchester brother he had managed to adopt the art to perfection, which he now put into practice. Although, Dean would only allow himself a few minutes in Cas’s embrace before he allowed himself to feel awkward and when he broke away Cas didn’t say anything but simply let his arms hang at his sides, loose and now without purpose. 

Instead of explaining his actions Dean retrieved his beer leaving Cas looking confused for a few seconds before hesitantly following him inside leaving the door wide open until Dean raised his eyebrows at him, which he still did not get so eventually Dean went and closed the door in an elaborate over the top way. In response Cas’s mouth formed that perfect ‘o’ shape that you only ever see in cartoons, which Dean could not help but smile at. Cas could be so cute, no not cute. Cas is not cute. God, Sam leaving really had messed him up. He needs to finish this beer and fast. 

Actually thinking about it why the hell is he wasting his time with beer when he could be drinking whisky. Having made his decision he contemplates offering Cas the beer but then thinks he will probably refuse but offers it to him anyway. Cas just tilts his head at him in that way that does not help but contribute to Dean thinking he is adorable and then wordlessly takes the bottle from him. 

Dean can’t help but chuckle when as he is searching for the whisky he bought the other day (among various other liquor) he spots Cas frowning at the beer before taking a tentative sip and then obviously coming to the conclusion that he likes it promptly downing the entire bottle in one gulp. Hearing the laughter from Dean Cas immediately looked up at him and smiled and just for a moment Dean could forget that Sam had left him. 

“So Cas got any plans?” Dean asks to break the silence. 

“I was just going to sit here with you if that’s ok.” 

Dean sighed and tugged at his hair. Trust Cas to just be content to fucking sit there. 

“Well, I was actually thinking that I might go out to a bar,” Dean replied because as much as he liked spending time with Cas he needed to forget everything for a while and Cas just made the nostalgia even worse. Yeah, he needs to forget, go to a bar, drink too much and then hopefully lose himself in the arms of a willing woman. 

“Oh, ok I’ll come with you then,” Cas said obviously in Dean’s eyes not getting the hint but Cas wasn’t stupid. He knew what Dean was doing. He’d known him long enough to be able to recognise it. Dean meanwhile was trying not to grunt in frustration but figures maybe there are still ways to deter him. 

“Ok if you’re sure it’s just I was hoping to…” He raises his eyebrows at Cas hoping for once that he would just take the hint without him having to explain it. “Get lucky Cas.” 

“Oh,” is all Cas says in response his eyes visibly widening. 

It’s the widening of the eyes that makes Dean feel too guilty. It just looks too much like puppy dog eyes and Dean had always been a stickler (not that he’d ever admit it) for puppy dog eyes. “But hey Cas you can still come. Maybe we can even find you someone.” 

Cas looks down abruptly at that obviously uncomfortable, while Dean stares at him now fully suspicious. Now Dean thinks about it him and Cas had never really discussed girls or sex before, which is odd considering that’s pretty much all he talks about. Wait, now he thinks about it he’s never actually seen Cas with anyone and he’s still looking pretty put out by the mentioning of getting ‘lucky’, which Dean is actually surprised he got what he was alluding to. 

“Cas have you been with a woman before?” Dean asks levelly trying not to sound mocking because really how could he not have. I mean look at him. 

In response Cas gets the same awkward, shy look on his face and Dean knows instantly he hasn’t. Ok, he decides this is something he can focus on. His mission tonight is to get Cas laid.


End file.
